Amazing Reads: Amazing Spider-Man #2

And so...After a hiatus we see our Amazing Spider-Man #2.

Is there anything special about this book? Who of Spidey's long standing rogues gallery will show up this time? Oh, and how selfish will Peter be? I love these books.

I don't believe you cover. Vulture isn't a great super-villain.

We open to a man walking in the street under the shadow of "The VULTURE". This classic Spidey villain seems to have been annoying people for days, swooping in, stealing stuff, crapping on cars. You know, bird villainy. So our hapless victim has a briefcase of fortune bonds stolen.

It's a bird. It's a plane...It's a bird!

And we cut to The Daily Bugle NOW Magazine, run by J. Jonah Jameson. I am more and more believing J.J. here was a parody of some editor or reported. (I'm to lazy to do research.) He's yelling about pictures for The Vulture, and subordinates saying they can't, it's too difficult.

Meanwhile! Peter Parker is doing science things while classmates are talking about getting close-ups for The Vulture and that would make them money. Peter over hears this, and his greedy self agrees. The one they call Moose tosses Pete the magazine and mocks him for being smart. And...

Yes...I shall rule the world.

Peter goes home and gets Aunt May to give him a camera that was Uncle Ben's. (Money says it gets broken). Peter gets dressed in his Spidey red and blues and goes off. In a hideout in Staten Island the Vulture makes plans to rob diamonds. Because he can. The vulture throws rocks with messages to the Jameson Publishing Company, the radio network, and the police station. Because he can.

Yes Spidey, take the picture, don't stop the Vulture.

And we have a quick tussle between Spider-Man and the Vulture, where the Vulture knocks Spidey up side the head and dumps him into a water tower. When he tries to escape, he forgot his web fluid, because he was being a greedy bastard with the camera.

Ack. Spider-Man flash backs.

After a little bit Spidey uses some dubious techniques, and he escapes. Yay. He goes to collect the camera. (it survived, who knew) We join Peter as he debates who to sell the photos to. It will of course be The Daily Bugle Now Magazine. He decides to build extra web fluid cartridges.

Utility belt! Not just for Bats.

Peter talks about buying a miniature camera for the belt, and starts work on an Anti-Vulture Weapon. And the next day we go to Now Magazine head quarters. Peter sells his photographs, and refuses to have his name used. And J.J. Loves him for it.

Go on Petey, Shiv him. Shiv him good.

As our intrepid annoying teens reach the site, they see cameras and helicopters. Peter finds it hard to believe the Vulture will come, but he slinks off to change anyway, being mocked by the Moose. The armored car arrives. A man step from the armored car. Police surround him, watching for attack. And they walk. And walk. And...

Ha! Teach you to think an old bastard can't lift a sewer lid.

Okay, I call B.S. The only person older than the Vulture is Aunt May. How the hell does he blow off the sewer lid like that. He should break his arms trying to push that thing. Bloody bloody hell.

But let's continue. Vulture dives into the sewer and escapes out the subway. Peter curses himself briefly, than immediately he remembers the important thing. Getting pictures to make money. We get a few panels showing off and explaining Spidey's powers, because we can.

I don't need to know about your tingle, Spidey.

As Spider-Man finds the vulture, the Vulture realizes he's being followed. Ain't that the luck. Vulture does a loop-the-loop to get behind Spider-Man. And thus Spider-Man manages to dodge thanks to his now remembered spidey sense, but he still falls from the roof tops. 

With a quick whip of his web, he grabs onto the vulture and pulls the old man close. As the two are tangled in mid air, Spidey activates a doohickey that makes the vulture lose his flight. Spidey decides to save himself and swing off, leaving Vulture to fall to his untimely death. Fortunately for us, Vulture doesn't die, he spins out and is found by the cops, who are wondering how the man did it.

Thank you Captain Makestuffup. Plot convenience 101

And so we wrap this tale up with Spider-Man getting those pictures and getting paid. The Vulture getting captured is merely a side plus, since I don't think Spidey fights crime. He just kinda shows up and makes money. He gives the money to Aunt May, and we all get a happily ever after.

Wait...why did they let him keep the suit?

Aw yes...we're only half done with this issue. These things are painfully long, aren't they, but we are almost done, so breath a sigh of relief, as we tackle...THE TINKERER!

The Tinkerer. Because no one cared.

Aw, the Tinkerer. A super-Villain that doesn't appear for another 200 hundred some odd issues, and have this entire story retconned. But for now, we have a typical silver age story that is pretty, well bland and forgetting.

Let us start our story in Midtown High. Again we're in the science school lab, where Students are glad to be leaving, and making fun of of Peter. A Doctor Cobbwell arrives with plot convenience, offering Peter a chance to work in his lab.

That's right Pete, I'm sure he's hurting, on the inside.

And we move to our next set piece, where Peter for lovely plot convenience is going to wear his Spider suit under his clothes. Random Question, how does he get those web wing things to fit underneath his clothes. We arrive at the shop of the TINKERER! I'll stop that now. Peter is there to pick up a radio for Doctor Cobbwell. We meet Mr. Tinkerer and we have a prize for a oldest person in this comic. Peter's Spider-Sense goes off as the Tinkerer goes down stairs, and we meet the real villain.

Good Lord, it's aliens. Two issues in and we've jumped the shark.

So The old man is working with aliens to install evil devices into radios of "Special" clients like Dr. Cobwell. And such we learn that Tinkerer charges 10 cents to repair a radio. This unnerves Peter, but he returns back to Dr. Cobbwell. Something is causing Pete to have Spider Sense reactions. He also refers to Spider-Man in a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde kind of way, it's a little creepy. Dr. Cobbwell leaves and Peter checks out the radio, because he's magic, he finds weird gadgets and decides to go back to the Tinkerer Shop.

Because I hadn't shown a panel in a page and a half.

We get a little B&E from our friendly neighborhood wall crawler. He makes his way downstairs and finds...ALIENS! They are plotting to take over the world, and are spying on important individuals, like Dr. Cobbwell. We get a scuffle between these aliens. Some weird psuedo science occurs, something called an Inverter Mechanism, causes our her to fall from a ceiling. I really don't know what's going on. The Aliens gang up on Spider-Man, but he throws them off. But!

Thanks for waiting so long, Tinkerer.

We learn that Spider-Man is no ordinary human, because that blast would kill those. Spidey wakes up in the specimen cage, which seems to keep getting smaller, and smaller. And we get the most dastardly plan yet, the air is being forced out of little holes in the glass. I won't point out how...painful that is that logic part of my brain.

In case we cared how that worked.

Spider-Man fires those web shooters through the glass hole and hits a button, that opens the cage. How he knows what button...He's magic, shut up. Spider-Man punches a guy, who hits another guy, and that guy shoots the machine...for...some...reason. The place catches fire and the aliens escape. Spider-Man goes after the old man, but some how can't keep hold of him in the smoke, and is forced to escape in the tussle.

Maybe you should be less of a moron! But -- WHY??

we get a brief panel of a ship leaving saying, "We shall never return!" because...you know, Spider-Man stopped them in New York, could just go to L.A. instead. Peter is back at the lab, and Dr. Cobbwell comes in, rambling like a crazy old man, seeing spaceships, and Peter just watches, staring, wondering if he's working for a psychopath.

The creepiest thing in this comic. That man's chin.

And there we have it. The Tinkerer is an alien. Or...a mad scientist. Or a really bad story that I thank who ever I can that it's over. It's boring, it's dull, it's convoluted, and relies on Peter just standing there and being lucky.

So we wind down for some final thoughts on our two stories. The Vulture story is...well, it is. It's not special, it's not great, it's not bad. I mean, it is  his first appearance, but that's about it. He's just a cranky old man. And you've heard my thoughts on the "Terrible Tinker" last paragraph. It is the worst story, by a long shot, but it's a dull one.

The Vulture: 
The Terrible Tinkerer: