Amazing Reads: Amazing Spider-Man #5

And so we come to this. Our Fifth Amazing Spider-Man. This time we get the villainous Dr. Doom. Because, well, neither Stan Lee nor Ditko felt like pulling another animal out of their sack to create a new villain this month. So what happens when the Spider-Man faces off against the metal masked freak? Well, stay tuned, and we shall see.

Why did it have to happen? Come on text box...why?

And so we begin another tale of Spider-Man with the classic hatred by J.J. Jameson. As Publisher of both Now Magazine and the Daily Bugle, he demands that Spider-Man does what he wants. Because you know, he has that right, apparently.

His real motives? Cash.

We pull back to see it's a television in a bowling alley, where Flash Thompson, Liz Allen, other random background Teens (as well as Peter Parker) are hanging around. They watch the television with rapt attention, because you know, it's about Spider-Man or something. Flash declares Spidey the best, and Peter (like the moron he is) says, "Spider-Man sucks."

I will rule the world! I will invent Microsoft!

 And So Flash gives Pete the boot, while Pete cackles maniacally about how one day he shall show them, show them all. We cut to a metal hand watching T.V. I'm guessing it's Dr. Claw. But, you know, I could be wrong. And so we get a page long look at who Dr. Doom is, and why he hates the Fantastic Four. Don't worry Doom, I hate them too. We even get a flashback for when he apparently died in another comic. He figures out he can talk to Spider-Man through his Spider-Senses. I believe the FF where involved the last time this was a plot point.

The Chameleon? Just a shot in the dark.

And so our intrepid hero goes off to find out who ever sent him this message. He arrives at a penthouse, housing the evil metal man. I seriously have no idea what Doom's issue is, actually, never really cared to find out. And thus, the Spider-Man confronts Dr. Doom. And Doom makes him an offer he can't refuse.

Just give him money. He's a whore like that.

And thus, the comic ended with Dr. Doom and Spider-Man killing the Fantastic Four. Or, almost. spider-Man thinks about the offer, but, decides not to, because Doom is too bad in the P.R. department. See, if he was an unknown, Spider-Man would in a heart beat. Our hero everyone!

Spider-Man attacks Doom, only to find out it's a dummy, well, duh. And we get ourselves a tussle. Where Doom precedes to thoroughly whoop out hero's behind! There are trap doors, and Laser beams. Spider-Man jumps out a window, and Doom watches enjoying the wall crawler hit the water. So Doom wanders off to start his back up plan, and Spider-Man swings away. Oh, and Doom blows up the building to the cry of "Holy Hannah!" from Spidey.

Because, you know. That makes sense.

And so, Peter takes pictures, and sells them to J.J. Who bitches that Spider-Man isn't in them, and how he wants to blame Spider-Man on anything. Peter stands up for Spidey, and so does J.J.'s secretary, Miss Betty Brant. Let's pause for a second folks, I forgot bout miss Brant last issue. See, before Gwen, before Mary-Jane, there was Betty. But that didn't last long. And she went crazy at some point. It's a long story, and we'll get to that later. Back on track now.

We learn that J.J. is an unprincipled human being, (duh) and his only goal is to make money. (double duh) We cut away to Spider-Man in front of a bunch of background characters, proclaiming what an awesome gag this would be on Peter. It is revealed to be Flash Thompson.

Yeah, I got nothing, I just find the vindictiveness funny.

And we go back to Doom, who has devised a way to track Spider-Man, with his impulses going off, and stuff. I don't know, it's sounds all fakey. At least when the Cartoon did it, it was just white washed. Doom prepares to stalk the Spider-Man. We join Peter sulking along the street, with Doom closing in. Also the annoying teens. Guessing where this is going folks? Good.

The teens rush back to Flash, who then prepares his mask. Just then, Doom tunes into his radio and sees the fake Spider-Man. He appears and does some knockout gas to Flash, while on the other side of the fence, Peter is walking.

Ship? Seriously? People called helicopter's ships?

And thus, our teens our disappointed that their hero flash disappeared on them. We get back home and find Aunt May making a Pop Culture reference, that is horribly dated fifty years later. Raise your hands if you know who Ed Sullivan is. If you do, go treat yourself to a cookie. The broadcast is interrupted by Doctor Doom. Who, has captured Spider-Man. His ransom? For the FF to come to him one on one to forfeit their life. They have an hour. Johnny Storm decided to stay home and eat pizza. The phone rings. Liz Allen calls asking about Thompson, because, well, Pete would know...right?

Aw, screw it. Let the bastard burn. The FF will handle it.

And we get PADDING! Aunt May won't let the young man leave, so he fakes a power outage to leave and buy a new fuse. He changes briefly, and flashes his crotch light against the wall. Quick cut to the FF, proving that they aren't useless! Spider-Man swings around the city looking for where Doom is doing his broadcast.

I just wonder how he ended up in that position.

Also. A giant rotary phone on the top of your building? Geez.

Back to Doctor Doom. Flash is begging to be released, and Doom calls Spidey a coward. Eventually our masked vigilante finds Doom, because of his Spider-Sense. Because it works like that, I guess. Spider-Man squeezes down some pipes into the building.

Why is there a light on your crotch!

We get finger beam action from good buddy Doom. Spidey builds a Web shield and throws Web balls to gum up Dooms works. Frozen water falls down onto Spidey (Don't ask, I have no idea). In time he creates another web shield, and escapes before he's frozen solid. We get a full working model of the atom, which Spider-Man gets to jump around through and laughs all the way to the bank. Then we get fire floor, which Spider-Man leaps over and lands safely.

Except not. The floor, is electrified, and instead of sending Spidey's muscles into a seizure, he has enough time to fire a shot at Doom. Thank the lord that the webbing conducts electricity.

Both of their hearts soon exploded.

Doom Switches off the machine, just as the robot shows up to attack Spider-Man. Doom turns on a Death Ray. Spidey throws Doombot at Doom. The two fight around the  Death beam, and it's all gripping stuff, very popcorn worthy. Eventually they smash into a panel turning off the beam. Doom tosses down a flash grenade.

I always did wonder how he saw out of the mask.

Doom Starts swinging away with a wrench, which our hero dives out the way thanks to his Spider-Sense. The fight lasts for a page, and the Fantastic Four arrive. Doom runs away with a tail between his legs.

AND, you left her in the dark.

So we leave Flash wandering alone in the complex, wandering around, curious as to what is going on. The FF show up and Thing wants to beat him up, and Johnny says, that he isn't the real Spidey. Reed says he thinks the real one was around though. Peter arrives at home, and Aunt May decided to spend her time next door. Next Day.

And thus, Peter and Betty slipped into the broom closet.

The Next Next Day. Peter is on campus, with Flash blowing out of proportion his role in the events. Liz laughs at Pete, and we leave on Pete claiming to have bad luck, despite having at least one person wanting in his pants. Go figure.

So, what do I think of this issue. Well, it's not bad. Not great. A good solid B. I wish there was more like it, and less like #4. But they can't all be winners. At least their world is growing slightly.